It still hurts, haven't been able to get over it: Savita Punia on lost Olympic dream

New Delhi: The crying didn't help, and living in denial didn't help, what helped was picking up the hockey stick again to make a fresh start.

The 'Great Wall' of Indian women's hockey and former captain Savita Punia has been an emotional wreck ever since the team failed to qualify for the Paris Olympics, a massive downfall after the superb fourth-place finish in Tokyo just three years ago.

"Good moments in life are not forgotten but neither are the bad ones. Losing the Olympic qualifiers is such a bad moment that we will probably not be able to forget our entire life," the 33-year-old goalkeeper told 'PTI Bhasha' in an interview.

"I haven't been able to get over it yet," she admitted rather candidly, the disappointment audible through her soft voice.

The heartbreak is now almost two months old. Punia was among those who were seen sobbing when the final hooter went off in the third-place match against Japan, India down by a solitary goal ending their Paris hopes.

"I didn't want to talk about it because it still hurts a lot. I still can't believe that we are not going to the Olympics. We were confident and well-prepared but you cannot predict anything in sports.

"After the qualifiers, we were at home for a week and told all the players that this break is a for them to cry and feel sad as much as they want. Keeping it inside will do no good and it is necessary to vent it out. No one talked about the Olympic qualifiers during this break," she revealed.

The first step in the recovery process was to get back to the game. So, she competed in the FIH Pro League just 10 days after the qualifiers and then came the ongoing Nationals in Pune. She turned up for her state Haryana after a good six years, continuing the healing process.

"The good thing about sports is that you have to forget the past and move forward very quickly. That's why I came to Pune to play the Senior Nationals because hockey is my passion and the more I stay away from the field, the more it will bother me," she said.

"When the team gathered in Bhubaneswar for the Pro League, in the first team meeting we asked how everyone was feeling. It was important for the morale of the youth to remain high. It is also a credit to the team that we came together and played well.

"I was constantly thinking that we deserved to be in the Olympics but we don't have the answer as to why we couldn't qualify. The Dutch team was also surprised why we couldn't do it," she recalled wistfully.

"We all did our best and our preparation was very good. It's a lot about luck also. We are more dejected than anyone else." Aside from getting back to hockey, what helped Punia stay afloat was her reliance on yoga and meditation.

"I was not feeling good. Tried a lot but the body was not cooperating. Then I took the help of yoga and pranayam and focused on fitness," she said.

The Indian team will play Pro League matches in Belgium in May-June and the focus will be on fitness. Punia understands that a new core group will take shape after the Nationals and she is prepared for the churning.

"Now a new core group will be formed and some new players will also come. The focus will be on fitness and drag flicks. We have to work on our game continuously," she said.

Punia, who left for the national camp within days of getting married last year to prepare for the Olympics, said her husband has also been her rock ever since the qualifiers debacle.

"My husband came after the Olympic qualifiers and gave a lot of encouragement. He said that we could not change what happened but could look ahead and play as long as we wanted to play. It was a very good thing for me that both my families supported me," she said.