New Delhi: Back when he first came to Mumbai, Sohum Shah wanted to be the guy insouciantly ordering a cappuccino. Two decades later, the actor-producer says he is content being the masala tea loving small towner making films he likes and acting in shows he wants to.
The somewhat fancy cappuccino and the humble masala tea bookending his struggles in the frenetic showbiz world of Mumbai, the “Tumbbad” actor and producer from Sri Ganganagar in Rajasthan said he has realised he is better off being authentic.
"I drink masala chai with a lot of milk. They say milk is harmful and masala chai is more harmful... That's life's journey... You should know whether you are a cappuccino guy or a masala tea guy. I am not the cappuccino kind of guy," Shah said in an interaction with PTI editors at the news agency’s headquarters here.
The 41-year-old, who ran a real estate business in Sri Ganganagar till the arclights beckoned, has backed the unconventional “Ship of Theseus” and “Tumbbad” and is familiar to OTT viewers for his roles in hit shows such as “Maharani” and “Dahaad”.
The journey from being the unsure, primarily Hindi speaker trying to establish himself in a city where you were judged by your English skills to who he is today has been unique and he would not trade it for anything, Shah said.
“I have grown from a zero to a hero… I find my journey beautiful. There are many people who come from outside, many producers also come in. Rich kids say 'Papa will invest money and I'll act' or they come on their own. But they make only one film and go away. In this regard, I like my journey a lot," the actor told PTI.
The pressure to fit in - with people telling him 'you don't know anything, even your subordinate is better than you' -- was enormous and took a toll.
"I have visited therapists and spoken to them at length for hours.
"You have sort of absorbed that if you know English you can mingle well… Bombay is a city where everything is vertical so a certain isolation tends to creep in. But at the same time, Bombay is a meditative city, it helps you evolve." View your therapist as a wise friend, Shah said, pushing for greater acceptance and de-stigmatisatisation of mental health issues.
In the initial years, he would wake up every day with the question - should he leave Bombay? "I remember there used to be a CCD cafe. I didn't have the courage to even order a cup of coffee for myself because I didn't know how to say: 'I need a cup of cappuccino.' I used to feel shy... My bread and butter didn't come from Bombay. It was only my passion. I used to think my children, my wife and I were suffering because of my passion. I would feel like a king in Ganganagar, here I'm nobody.
"A whole decade of my life went away thinking about this question. I was fortunate that I had the support of my wife and friend Adesh Prasad, who co-wrote 'Tumbaad'. We work together. He asked me to not leave because of fear." No one in Shah’s family had ventured out to a big city like Mumbai before him. They were a modest family in Sri Ganganagar and his father struggled to raise five children on a salary of Rs 3,000.
He was the youngest and in a hurry to grow up fast. From a young age, he and his brother got involved in their father's commodities business, which they took to new heights. He spent his 20s supplying mustard cake powder for fodder in Punjab with his brother. Then, the family got into real estate.
For his family, his decision to go to Mumbai and try his luck in cinema was a bolt from the blue.
"When you are successful, you are asked fewer questions. You are trusted more. They didn't want me to do it (films). But I was able to convince them. My real story is that by the time I wanted to come to Bombay, I was already married. I come from a very conservative family and to come from that place and have my wife's support was a big thing for me," he said.
Venturing into cinema may have seemed like an impulsive decision for his family, but the businessman in Shah had already done a risk analysis.
"I came along with my safety net. I was not someone who said I'll sleep on the streets, I'll eat vada pav. I salute those who do this kind of struggle, they have the courage. But I didn't have that in me.
"Food, shelter, my children's upbringing and education, and some money for them - that's my first requirement." While money was not an issue, the language barrier was a difficult one to overcome.
"English used to be that demon, not only for me but for many people in and around 2010 especially. In the 2010s, you couldn't think of playing a main lead if you didn't know English. You can maybe get a small role. It was the time of Bandra boys with six-pack abs. It was a culture shock," the actor said.
Now, however, Hindi has become cool again.
There was a class difference in Mumbai, which was just in the air, Shah said, adding that he realised he didn't have access to the culture because of the language.
"People like me had watched about four English films that were Hindi dubbed - ‘Jurassic Park’, ‘Titanic’, ‘True Lies’ and ‘Speed’. I didn't know Marlon Brando, Al Pacino or Tom Cruise. I used to believe singer Ricky Martin is Tom Cruise bhaiya,” he said, tongue firmly in cheek.
"We used to go to clubs that would play English songs, like 'We Found Love In a Hopeless Place' (Rihanna). I couldn't understand a word, we'd ask them to play 'Kaala Chashma' but that doesn't work in Bombay. But now 'Kaala Chashma' has also started playing in Bombay." Now that he has made a name for himself in Mumbai, Shah looks back and said it was because he stayed true to himself.
“I have learned this by practice... when your ideas are clear, then you cannot stop."