Bhaidooj and the brotherhood of sisters

Kolkata: There are clearly two kinds of sisters in my universe, and possibly in yours as well. Those who yearn to see you thrive and then others who are happy to watch you collide. In either scenario, it is worthwhile to do a point-in-time audit of sibling relationships, especially for millennials and their successors.

The definitive cinematic expression of this timeless bond was ‘Hare Rama Hare Krishna’ when Dev Anand crossed the border to recover the truant Zeenat Aman. What struck me the most was the autonomy of the association, not connected necessarily to family protocols or parental guidance or censure.

In fact, it is this borderless association that best defines the cross-gender peer blood ties, and makes it so very special and not judgemental. Unlike say same-sex siblinghood, wherein the competitive streak is way more established, and I say this from sufficient anecdotal evidence.

But like every other relationship, the brother-sister affiliation too has evolved in fairly interesting ways, and do let me share a few ringside views. The halo effect has most certainly diminished, a certain sacredness replaced appropriately by vows of friendship. Also, quite significantly, the affection for rituals as an adhesive is certainly on the wane, as we prepare to welcome the metaverse age.

This is, in fact, an extension of a larger societal attitude towards ceremonies of confirmation, whether marriages or condolences. Just as folks are delighted to live together indefinitely or mourn the passing of their beloved elegantly and not structurally, the brother-sister contract has evolved over time. Which truthfully, has led to its own set of trials, invoking the codes of competitiveness and not just blind collaboration.

Key elements of this new-age understanding include a non-questioning culture of collaboration, where the patriarchal right of the brother to know a sister’s whereabouts, physical or emotional, is suitably questioned. Also involved, and I do say this gingerly, is the abdication of formal niceties and no-entry zones in terms of conversations and indeed conflicts. This leads to a new definition of sibling relationships, open and unfettered, with all the troubling percussion that arrives with the territory.

Bollywood captures this mildly in 'Dil Dhadakne Do', where  Priyanka Chopra and Ranveer Singh demonstrate these niceties rather admirably. A no-holds-barred culture of affiliation, zero secrets and the brother surely no father figure, where even the dubious marriage of the parents evokes spontaneous takes from the siblings. A tip to the OTT brigade, hungry for novel ideas, is to build a series around brothers and sisters, the real-life inspirations will be sufficient flora and fauna.

Although, in one alarming way, the clock has indeed turned turtle, and that is the domain of honour killings depicted masterfully in the Marathi movie 'Sairat', which led to the Hindi 'Dhadak'. The chilling portrayal of the amply-decked gang of brothers visiting the estranged sister’s residence with a faux approach of reconciliation leading to the murder of husband and child would break the hearts of even Death Row convicts. There were alarming data points in the closing frames which suggested a growing pattern in this behaviour, and the newspapers are indeed sufficient evidence.

In many significant ways, the celebration of Bhaidooj ( Bhaiphota) resonates with the movements in brother-sister bonds, classical yet contemporary. A simple analysis on Facebook would reveal many instances of the ceremony being conducted in restaurants, over chilled beer and hot Fish Fry. Not quite kosher, you may say, but flawlessly spontaneous, in tune with the emerging drift of brother-sister engagements. F&B brands in many cities have concocted customised buffet spreads, delighting the brother while not tormenting the sister.

As in every other episode of society, the levels of affluence have their say in the conduct of decorum, and this day is surely no exception. I have the fondest memories of childhood events where a simple rasgulla and a solitary fried goodie did a fine job of cementing ties, not requiring the exuberance of multi-course meals. Even the gifts used to be simpler and now, armed with the deadly duo of PayTm and E-Commerce, the transactional imperatives have increased considerably. Good, bad or ugly is not a value judgement I wish to indulge in, but the jury is still out for sure.

To the brotherhood of sisters out there in the universe, factual or fictional, there is just one thing I wish to say. Unlike perception or demeanour, brothers are quite like candy floss in a mela ground, malleable and ductile. Kindness travels faster than 5G and farther than a missile, so unconditional oodles are deeply appreciated. While we do promise to be first-class friends for life, apart from being boringly sensitive and dutiful.